That's just unsanitary.

125 thoughts on “Portent

  1. OMG! What a TEASE! πŸ˜‰

    1. She really knows how to push his buttons. πŸ™‚ Oh, and great first comment!

      1. Either that, or she’s trying to get him to die from salmonella as payback for the permanent neck scars =|

        Just saying it could happen. #notavampirefan

        1. The Negro Guy says that or she’s trying to say she’ll put up with his flaws.

        2. Alexander Cross

          Either that OR she’s REALLY setting Akbar up for his famous line.

        3. It’s a TRAP!!

          The geek in me couldn’t resist…

        4. I am the only one that actually finds that kinda hot and kinky? I am not into blood or anything but that is just kinda hot looking to me. Maybe I need to find a new career… my Army time seems to have twisted me a bit.

        5. Don’t worry, such boobs make anything liquid spread on the shoulder hot.
          It would have been the same effect with truck fuel or vegetable soup.
          (not for Les, though…)

    2. Actually, it would appear that she’s torturing him.

      1. the redneck ninja

        if vampires r dead and all cold and shit can they even get bonners?

        1. Adapted rigor mortis.

        2. hmmm
          perma-akward boner.

          Also, an errection is created by blood flow, vampires having no active heart and no pluse therefore can’t get it up

        3. do-bee-doo-be-do!

          A death erection, angel lust, or terminal erection[1] is a post-mortem erection, technically a priapism, observed in the corpses of human males who have been executed, particularly by hanging.[2]

        4. and now we refer to foamy episode ‘cadaveric spasms’ http://www.youtube.com/user/jimathers?blend=1&ob=5&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fuser%2Fjimathers%3Fblend%3D1%26ob%3D5&has_verified=1#p/u/60/NG16DwzwaK8

          anyways,as first comment ever from me,just wanted to say youre epic nick,youre not one of those moronic comics who scratches a piece of lined paper with a stick of graphite or ink,and thinks its web-worthy,ty -jeanette aka j z

        5. They also shouldn’t be able to move their muscles, work their lungs to talk, or be able think without moving blood. I find your argument factitious.

        6. *SPARKLY* adapted rigor…

        7. Vampires can still bone but since they’re dead, the senses are very (if not completely) dulled. However, since feeding is very pleasurable, the two parties feeding on each other combined with copulation becomes an intensely pleasurable experience.

          Don’t ask me how I know this.

          Actually, you can if you want.

        8. How do you know this?

        9. White Wolf: World of Darkness lore.

        10. White Wolf are gods

        11. Only if you go by the Old World of Darkness. In the new, vampires can have sex, but can’t form emotional bonds by it. It’s a purely physical thing, no different from enjoying the touch of silk or a good meal.

          But again, feeding is better than sex anyway.

    3. She wants to make him want her more.

      It may just be working.

  2. Yep, cute one there.

  3. That’s also a bit unnecessary. But hey, if you’re gonna date a wannabe vampire….

    1. …I have no clue where I was goin with that…

  4. Add the fact that those are pork loin and you have a recipe for disaster

    1. Trichinosis isn’t the risk it used to be. (At least in developed countries.)

      1. Cute pun though…pork lion. Heh

        1. Not when you misspell ‘loin’ – a pork lion is just a confusing concept…

        2. A loin to get the loins going?

        3. Still confusing…is pork lion describing the act of sex with the king of beasts? Never mind, I’m trying too hard to get funny out of a simple typo.

  5. clearly this girl is not Jewish

    1. Or at least not strictly observant of Jewish dietary law. I’ve known a few Jews who did enjoy some ham every now and then.

      1. I’ve never known one that didn’t.

        1. Well they do have a lot of actors. And what’s acting without a little ham?

    2. I think technically, the Torah just says we aren’t allowed to eat pork, it says nothing of smearing ourselves with pig’s blood and letting a vampire lick it off us in the middle of a grocery store.

  6. i think les just got a boner

    1. In record time no less.

      1. The blood has rushed to his … never mind.

    2. He’s not alone.

  7. As my Malkavian vampire once said: DAT NECK IN WHICH I WANT TO BITE.

    That, and that was kind of sexy- in a fucked up kind of way..

    1. I can tell you and I are going to get along just like fire hoses.

      1. When we get turned on, there’s bound to be flames.

        1. You look familiar. Were you ever on a milk carton?
          I’m not frightening you, am I, duckling?

          Malkavians (and Jeanette) FTW!

        2. (to a stop sign) NO, YOU’ STOP!

        3. Or the guy on the TV: Police don’t have any suspects at this time, but they’re pretty sure that it was you.

  8. He came…

    1. BTW, think you messed up her hand in the fourth panel.

      1. Fixed now. Thanks!

        1. No problem, and keep up the good work. This comic really brightens my weekdays πŸ™‚

  9. Does she have heterochromia?

    1. She does! Now Charles Xavier has a good pickup line to use on her.

      1. The One and Only Titan

        Lol, I just saw that movie… classic. except now he’s an old bald dude ina wheel chair.

        1. An old guy who could shrink you’re testicles with his mind.

        2. Nah, he wouldn’t do that, not his kind of thing. More the style of Emma Frost. But she would make you do it to yourself…

          Loved this movie, but my friend (a Stan Lee’s fan) positively hated it. One hour wasted because we couldn’t agree. The movie has flaws (The Beast looking like a blue Grinch, e.g.) but it’s far better than the third one, IMHO.

        3. It was a solid movie, but yeah,. Beast looked a bit silly.

  10. Hothothothothothothothot.

    Usually not the first thing to go through my mind. But good enough for this moment.

  11. Unsanitary, but hot.

    1. Nah, I myself work with meat, in a even large quantaty then Les, so long as she does bathe in it, she’s fine.
      Let’s just say I’ve had plenty ‘o blood on me.

      1. Les says:


        1. Les hopes she slurps πŸ˜‰

          srry, couldn’t resit the low brow sex pun.

  12. For someone who has a blood fetish, my reaction would be similar to Les.

    1. My first thought was “Humina!” and then it was “Blood in her cleavage, Lick it!”. Of course, I eat raw beef on a regular basis.

      1. XD kinkiness always prevails eh…

  13. What’s with the blue spot on her eyebrow in panel 2? Is this a new goth makeup thing I didn’t pick up on before?

    1. I see no blue spot. The blue spot is a lie. Just like the cake.

      1. the redneck ninja

        THE CAKE IS A LIE!! HOWEVER THE STRIPPER INSIDE THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE…. wait was i suposed to put her in the cake after i baked it… well shes not a lie just dead

        1. Priceless!

    2. It was a leftover color splotch from the BPelt plugin I use. Should be gone now.

      1. Lurch, was she is there before you baked the cake???

        ….that poor girl….

  14. Last panel with Les is definitely a “You gonna get raped” face lol.

  15. Not a lot of women can look so sexy while being covered in pig’s blood. Which reminds me, does Les ever fap to the pig’s blood scene in Carrie? I mean, she got covered head to toe, and if a little dribble on a girl’s shoulder gets him off, then a girl getting bathed in several gallons must make him cum buckets.

    1. Except that Carrie is a minor… No fap required.

      1. Carrie was 16/17. In this comic, unless you’re Nate, that’s not a big deal.

      2. That would mean that if a man likes to see a girl in lingere than he will totally go crazy for a girl in a burka πŸ˜› (a pig blood burka, but still)

        Religious reference not intended.

  16. The plot thickens (or is that sickens?)

    1. It appears that’s not all that’s thickened.

      Also, got to disagree with Ronnie. Things like this are WHY we stay with the weird ass jobs: the interesting stories they provide us with.

  17. ….


  18. Why was this hot?
    Why did it remind me of the girl I just met?

  19. o.O

    …the hell?

  20. I just barely noticed that she has different colored eyes…….
    The real question is why do I find that… hot?

    1. Maybe it’s the lustful and teasing expression on her eyes, because let’s face it: vampire fantasies normaly get gross when frozen animal blood (beef maybe?) gets involved in the dynamic. (at least that’s my case)

      1. Oh, my bad: it’s pork blood (a Carrie fetish…hmmmm)

        1. Yes! Someone else saw the pig blood/Carrie connection!

          Lilith! I can see your dirtypillows!

  21. Well I can honestly say I didn’t see that coming. I am guessing Ronnie nor Les did either.

    Odd yes, but leave it to Nick to make a very odd situation awesome at the very end.

    Out of curiosity, I thought people who worked in the meat department in stores had to wear hair nets or something around those lines. It’s a minor detail, still interesting tidbit none the less.

    Great work Nick, thank you for the cool comic.

    1. They do when working with unpackaged meat, but not when they’re out on the sales floor. (Though I have played a little loose with that requirement in previous comics.)

  22. those damn mimes!

  23. A goth babe blushing while she pours cold pork blood inside a restricted area of the meat department of a grosery store on a kinky nasty sexy way on her neck…I’m so goddamned aroused that I’m ashamed of myself as a health professional u_u

  24. Can’t believe I’m going to be the first to say this but she sure knows how to handle his pork. *Insert harvy birdman laughf* peinus.

    1. The man who knows all

      Hey Les, I’m porking it. *shot*

  25. OverlordLaiharl79

    OMG, that is so fucking sexy… even if it does remind me of one of my ex’s. This comic is Overlord approved!

    1. Double OverLord approved.

      1. Double-Secret Overlord approved!

  26. There’s a first for everything; I have to say that this is a interesting comic. Usually my interest would die out around this time for most comic strips; whereas this has hooked, lined and snickered me with interest. Thus an applause is in order. I hope things between Nate and Miranda get smoothed out, and speaking of smooth. I don’t see the bite markings left by Les on Lilith’s neck in panel two.

    1. Snickered, sinkered, or sickened?

      I’m leaning towards the latter.

      1. All 3 in A Random Dewd’s case.

  27. This is how I know I’m old–instead of thinking “Wow, that’s hot”, I’m thinking, “blood-borne pathogens”, “salmonella poisoning”, “I bet that’s cold on your skin” etc.

    1. “I bet that’s cold on your skin”. You, Sir, Just Made My Day.

    2. And sticky after a short while. And stinky. Welcome to Third-Age-World πŸ˜€

  28. Unsanitary but I think it would work being him and all. lol They;d make a cute couple. In the ext thing is he going to be snogging her neck? lol

    1. He can’t

      I believe he is a person that takes his vows seriously and the condition that he was re-instated to the meet department was no drinking on the job

      She might have had that in mind ‘tho and might be upset that he doesn’t take the up on the advance

  29. I’m not even into vampires and that crap, but that’s HOT.

    1. It’s the expression. I’ve determined it’s the expression.

  30. But… You didn’t bring back Matlock.


  32. *sigh*

    I wish the goth crowd would find some other imagery to latch onto other than St. Peter’s Cross as symbol of their “edginess”


    1. I understand your frustration, but I’m goth, and I’ve never worn nor seen any other goth wearing an upside-down cross as a “goth” pendant (I’m sure you know that lots of people got crucified in the time of Christ, not just Him and his pals). Satanists aren’t goth–they’re usually just a bunch of sad little attention whores and a lot of them are fakers. In fact, even the pentagram was a Christian symbol at one point–all religions seem to love to borrow from each other. I actually think what Lilith’s wearing in the above comic is an ankh, but I can’t really tell because the crossbar isn’t widened at the ends, so it could be either.

      I’m absolutely not trying to pick on you, I promise πŸ™‚ I just don’t like to see goths all mushed together in one big category when I feel like we’re a pretty diversified people lol, and I especially don’t think it’s fair when people think all goths are Satanists. It’s totally not the same thing.

      1. It’s an ankh my ex wore hers the same way.

  33. Dude I found your comic last night and all i can say is “I LOVE IT!!!” Now all I can think about is if there’s gonna be all of them doing it at once in the store, lol. Oh, and to Ginger when you said “Satanists aren’t goth–they’re usually just a bunch of sad little attention whores and a lot of them are fakers.” all I could think was ‘that IS what most people I know think about goths’, sorry.

    1. Oh, and Satanists were around long before goths were, and they originated the “goth” look, in fact the goth movement was started by kids who shared the same whiny-butt leanings but just wanted to scam the groupies for sex and didn’t want to be associated with the devil worshiping. Thus the whole sexy vampire thing. (nothin’ personal)

      1. Most of what is concidered “goth” nowadays is a mish-mash of several genres. But Goth as an accepted sub-culture began in England in the late 70’s/early 80’s as an off-shoot of the punk movement. I am a proud ethergoth and occasional hell-billy, and satanists are ruining our fun.

        1. And the Church of Satan has been around since 1969, grabbing from earlier influences. Your point being?

  34. Long time fan..1st post…OMG…this update had me at a lot of levels…the Awwww level – when Les almost shyly accepts her invitation, the Sha-Wing level at her embodiment of vampire catnip, and then the ROFLMAO at Les’ response…(that is quite an offering she made to him publicly btw) So so well done… =D

  35. Wait… Les is red and green color blind right? How can he tell what blood is?

  36. Alright! After spending most of my day reading over this awesome series after discovering it yesterday, I have to say, I quite enjoy Les finally being thrown a bone. He has his “issues” but at least someone in this comic is finally getting some without any problems.
    p.s Fantastic job, will be a long time reader for as long as this is on the web.

    1. Awesome! Thank you, and welcome!

  37. I am strangely turned on by this. Curse you Nick Wright and your hilarious comic.

  38. i see she wants matching bite marks on both sides of her neck, also
    1, bloody girl, 2,????? 3, get sick from some blood born pathogens

  39. Damn it this gave me a boner.

  40. “A new damn job.” LOL! Were there ACTUALLY people like this working in supermarkets in your experience? If so, I may never shop again.

  41. I assume that to a vamp (or, for current situation, the closest thing in reality to a vamp which is, sadly, this hilarious poser) that’s like a double cheeseburger

  42. “I AM REBORN!!!!!!”

  43. Just noticed that Lilith has heterochromia.

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