I'm just surprised it took me this long to break out the fishnets.
OMG!!!! That looks like my ex girlfriend!
I have eyes EVERYWHERE.
Dude Nick…sometimes you scare me bro.
Quick, what color shirt am I wearing?
Must make it tough to get back massages… 😉
Doesn’t matter how many times i look at it, when I read TEPES above, my slightly broken pattern recognition engine (my brain) reads it as HERPES.
The more I think about it, the more I realise that it’s a subliminal message targetting just me.
I’m scared to look over my shoulder now in case there’s something there.
I know it’s hard to see that word and think to pronounce it Tep-Esh.
There is way too much goodness cram-packed in this one, from the color differential on her skin tones to the Twilight values… XD
I’ve always wanted to nail a chick with purple hair, just to see what she’s like in bed.
Probably the usual.
What, disappointed? 😛
I think it’s brave of Geoff to admit he’s never satisfied a woman. I hope he’s not proud though.
I knew you’d rise to the challenge.
…That’s what she said?
I admit nothing.
I don’t need to. There’s all these sad, crying women scattered along the dusty trail of my past who can do it for me 🙂
And by “all these…”, yes, I _am_ referring to the both of them.
“Get your Mormon Values at Food Baron”
I loved that best of all. Twilight just sucks so hard. (and no, the pun was not intended, it really does suck)
Mormons are very few and far between here in Australia. I know nothing about them. As a result I don’t get that joke.
Regardless, I just _knew_ that it wasn’t a good thing, and therefore loved it anyway. 🙂
Ah, well let me give you your crash course on Mormons.
1. It was founded by Joseph Smith who was a convicted fraud.
2. God is a person who lives on a planet far away where he lives with his very large harem.
3. Mary wasn’t a virgin, God came to earth and got nasty with her.
4. After Jesus died he came to America to preach to the native americans who, at the time, were all white.
5. The native americans were really the lost tribes of israel and one tribe killed off another so God cursed them with a darker skin colour.
6. A mormon man is encouraged to acquire as many wives as he can in order to build up the harem he’ll have in the afterlife.
7 Mormons can’t drink alcohol or caffeine.
8. When a mormon boy turns 18 he is required to spend a year doing missionary work – that is annoy the hell out of people by knocking on doors at 8am saturday morning.
and last but certainly not least:
9. Mormons are suppose to wear special mystical underwear that is supposed to protect them from demons, sin, and… bullets. They are never allowed to take it off.
Mormonism is possibly the lulziest religion that still has a following. Well, that and Hinduism with Ganesh the blue anthropomorphic elephant god, but at least Hindus have a significant and respected non-fundamentalist population.
Nah, the most “lulziest” religion is Scientologi 🙂
May I introduce.
the church of the flying spaghetti monster.
still makes as much sence as all other religions.
Well, they’re non-fundamentalist when they’re not in the majority. Otherwise, they rampage just as much as any other full-of-themselves people.
Congratulations Zane – you managed to be at least half wrong on every one of your statements.
1. Founded by J.S. – never convicted of ANYTHING although he got dragged into court a lot by his enemies.
2. Depending on your interpretation of their theology you might be half right – by Mormon theology God has a physical body and may have his own planet. There is nothing in their theology about him having any kind of harem.
3. Completely at odds with their official theology although I’ve met Mormons who have speculated about it.
4. The Book of Mormon is supposed to include an account of Christ visiting people in the Americas after his ascension in the Old World. Maybe that’s the origin of the “great white bearded god” the Aztecs were expecting? They were supposed to be a mixture of lighter skins and darker skins.
5.This one is kind of esoteric. The people in the Book of Mormon are supposed to be from the tribe of Manaseh which might be considered one of the Lost Tribes. The claim is that SOME of the Native Americans would be the descendents of the Book of Mormon people, but they make no claims that ALL the Native Americans are their descendents. Any dark skins were supposed to have been present from the beginning of their history, not as a result of them killing each other off.
6. Nope – Mormon men are not asked to acquire multiple wives. Mormons practiced polygamy like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob of the Old Testament until the Supreme Court decided the Edmunds-Tucker Act was constitutional. Since then anyone trying to practice polygamy got kicked out of their church.
7. Mormons in good standing are not to drink alcohol. They are also supposed to not drink coffee or green or black tea which contain a lot of caffeine. They have no official prohibition against stuff like Coke.or Mountain Dew that have caffeine, so the prohibition is coffee and tea, not caffeine.
8. You got the age wrong. Mormon boys are supposed to be prepared to serve as missionaries starting at age 19. Some of them are annoying. I have never had one knock on my door at 8AM (usually it was during the afternoon), but I can’t say none of them ever have done it.
9. Some of the Mormons wear special underwear, kind of like the Jews and their prayer shawls and yarmulkas. It is supposed to remind them of their commitments to be good, not be some kind of magical armor. Considering that I’ve been to the gym with them I can vouch for the fact that they DO take it off in situations where you normally would take off your underwear.
The Book of Mormon = The Further Adventures of Jesus Christ
Also, you left out that the book is translated from the magic golden plates that can only be read by one wearing the mystical Breastplate to which are afixed the sacred stones Urim and Thummim.
From my point of view, I’ve always found Mormons to be hypocritical. Also, they’re founder was born in my home state of Vermont. Next to the Eugenics Program, that’s the second thing my state should be ashamed of.
Holy fuck, how could I have mixed up “their” and they’re”. I’m so ashamed.
I had hair JUST like that when I was younger. 🙁
Very good job with the fishnets.
She’s only appeared in one strip, and I already like her.
Mormon values FTW.
Twilight: the Book of Mormon for insecure teenage girls. And so society regresses. The third panel is so spot-on. I applaud you, Nick.
Not jumping to conclusions or anything, but I would lol so hard if the near/far story played out as Nate ending up dating this girl and Rose getting jealous over it…. Not jumping to conclusions but just saying I would lol very, very hard if it played out like this.
I wouldn’t know who to root for… goth chicks and redhead chicks are two of my weaknesses (the third being Asian chicks).
What about a goth asian with red hair?
Dated one for a while though she was also a witch – Yeah she ended up marrying the son of a baptist minister. Wonder what ever happened to them?
They had a lot of good sex!
A good idea Juba, but Miki Berenyi (google her) is too old for me. And always was! *boohoo*
Ha! Was just listening toLovelife on the way home from work today!
Oh yeah… also, good strip.
Too old? She’s only 43. That’s a perfect age. She’s probably in her prime.
@Juba (this commenting thing has serious anti-pyramid going on, I can’t reply to you) I don’t think my missus (who looks just like Tracy in the strip) would approve.
Though I can imagine her reaction, she knows full well of my fetishes :p
If it leads to an awesome catfight scene, then I’m all for it.
I would laugh harder if ROSE dated her…
…just as soon as I stopped drooling. 😉
I find the goth look to be exceptionally pretty, but the subculture to be rather…undignified.
Also, Blood dolls was a fascinating movie. Then again so is Twilight, and both were fascinating by virtue of being abjectly horrible.
Thanks for the Twilight comment, so worth it. People get upset when I bring it up. Was starting to think nobody really noticed what they were doing there…
What’s wrong with Twilight? 🙁 I like it…and…I am a guy, physically speaking…and I like girls…but I like it still…
Ok, I am sensitive and should be wearing a brah, being a lesbian girl…wait, then I shouldn’t be wearing a brah…oh…hot ^_^ Well, so I cried at times when seeing Twilight…but I am a little annoyed with the glimmering the vampires do 😛 And Edward who there is alot of fuss about is not hot, he looks constapated 😛 But otherwise…have I missed something when I have watched Twilight?
The Twilight phenomenon and its twisted psychosexual paradigms are far too involved for me to properly explore/ridicule in a comment thread. But yes, you have missed something. A few highlights:
-The main character is an author-insertion fantasy persona mary-sue of the highest order, and exists as the author’s ultimate power/sex fantasy.
-The “romance” is abusive, codependent, and in one instance is an example of the apologist argument for fundamentalist, “child-brides.” (Resnesmee)
-Every OTHER character besides Bella is also one-dimensional, uninteresting, and quite often a mary-sue themselves.
-The writing is amazingly shallow and objectively bad.
-The writer’s Fundamentalist Mormon beliefs explain WHY the writer hates female empowerment, but not why so many readers do.
-The fans are kinda goddamn creepy. http://tinyurl.com/23q6fcu
You covered the basics. I’d also point out that its a fantasized version of the True Love Waits movement in many respects, which is itself Mormon propoganda for the most part(although the Baptists and some others like to get in on the act).
And yes, objectively speaking the writing is pretty poor. I’ve read a lot of books, even vampire literature, this is pretty crappy writing for anyone who is very well read. I’ve probably read better fanfic.
The Mary Sue concept is when an author puts themselves into the story in an idealized personal fantasy, and is actually really common in supernatural stories. In Twilight, Bella is the stand in for the author, much like Anita Blake is the stand in for the author in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. Typically the stories get either more heroic or more sexual as they go on, as the author lives out their personal fantasies via the story.
Some feel that Hermione Granger is a Mary Sue for JK Rowling, but I do not know enough about her or the series to make the judgement(another fairly amateurishly written series).
I found Hermione to be a little bit more dimensional than Bella.
I’d heard Twilight was bad, but I tried to give it a go. I found in ridiculously boring.
And I have only one thing to say about self-inserts and Mary-Sues. They’re a lot like masturbating. Lots of people do it, but only sick fucks put it on the internet or allow the public to view it.
Putting oneself in fantasy situations can be very entertaining, but there is a fine line between daydreams and publishing your sick fantasies. Stephenie Meyer has crossed that line, then shit all over it.
But I can see how Twilight is appealing to some women. It’s an unrealistic expectation of Romance. Every woman wants a guy who’s going to worship and adore her. It’s setting up a lot of girls for disappointment, when they find out that real men are not romantic. And any man who says otherwise is full of shit.
Sara E. –
Um, I am quite romantic at times. Sorry you’ve never met a romantic man, but they do exist. Not to the ridiculous extremes that movies such as Twilight portray, but that does not mean that all ‘real men’ are incapable of romance or that they never enjoy it.
Also, for Sara E.:
I would claim that, as a woman you don’t know men that well. Men are not only romantic, they’re unrealistically MORE romantic than women, in general. Women have little problem in dumping a man once he gets “predictable” and boring.
But then, as a man, I’m supposed to say things like that… 😉
Sad thing is, there IS a vampire subculture in the GOTH subculture that DOES do the whole “vampire” schtick, drink human blood, sleep in coffins, rename themselves Vlad Tepes, etc. On that front, the strip is accurate. There is a slight technical inaccuracy, however. “Fishnets” would not have a scar on her neck. Any serious goth vampire would NOT draw blood from the neck as that is very dangerous, consent given or otherwise. Goth vampires would instead use a blade sharpened to surgical precision and cut a length of the forearm, near the vein and drink from there. A former “vampire” interviewed by both 60 minutes and the 700 club showed on an anatomic chart how this was done and claimed it was very erotically satisfying for both parties. I have never tried it, nor do I want to. Anyone who has even the slightest medical training should see how this is totally repugnant.
Then again, L’estadt isn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer and probably just bit her with some sharpened costume fangs, and should consider himself lucky that he’s not in prison on a murder conviction.
Is her right eye green and her left eye brown?
Holy shit, nice eye.
I didn’t catch that.
Ohhhh yesssssssss heterochromia is one of my biggest weaknesses. Combined with the fishnet and purple hair she is totally hot.
So . . . David Bowie in fishnets and purple hair would turn you on?
It would sure as hell turn me on. But I’ve always had a crush one Bowie.
Depends. Does he have the word “pasta” on him?
Heh… I’m not the only person who doesn’t get this whole “fascination” with Twilight… I also love this new character, and would definitely bang her… if I were in the TG universe… 🙁
As a Mormon I thought I would just address a few misconceptions about Mormons. Specifically I would like to address the list Zane made. Also don’t feel like this is a personal attack Zane just clearing up some facts.
1. Joesph Smith was the founder and although he was imprisoned multiple times whether he was actually convicted of anything is an argument beyond the comment board of a comic.
2. God is GOD or the Father who “lives” in heaven. Heaven is NOT some planet far away it is heaven. Ask any Christian to tell you where heaven is and see what answers you get because nobody really knows. Also no official teaching claims GOD has a harem.
3. Mary was a virgin. Official doctrine states Mary became with child after the Holy Ghost came upon her. Just as the Kings James Bible explains.
4. More or less true, however they were not all white, they were mixed. There are native tribes in South America who are white by the way.
5. We believe the Native Americans are descended from people who were made up of members of the lost tribes of Israel mixed with others who migrated to North and South America.
6. We are not encouraged at all to acquire more than one wife. I have one and will only have one.
7. We are asked not to drink alcohol or coffee or use tobacco. This teaching came in 1833, long before the public health dangers of alcohol and tobacco were known. The no caffeine is not official policy.
8. The age range you can serve a mission is 19-30. It is for two years, not one. It is NOT required and they don’t knock on your door at 8 am because your schedule has you start at 10 am. Also if somebody knocking on your door is enough to “annoy the hell out of you” maybe you need to chill a bit.
9. Our “special” underwear is to remind us of our duty towards our GOD and also of covenants we have made with him. They are not bulletproof or magical. They are similar to religious clothing worn by people of other faiths such as the Jewish Kippah.
… so then the “special underwear” really can’t stop bullets (as listed by Zane)
Thanks for clearing some of the stuff up. I’m not actually a Mormon (although I live in a neighbourhood full of them and I do own a copy of the book of Mormon) so some of the stuff comes from them.
1) Okay, granted I don’t know of any instances of convictions (I’ve never really looked) but he was known to be a shady character.
2) “Kolob” as mentioned in the Book of Abraham is said to be the star nearest to the throne of God’s residence. It refers to planets as stars though so it is unclear whether Kolob is meant to be a star or planet. Either way, this is rarely taught in modern Mormonism, but it is there.
3) I’ll just quote for this one:
“And Christ was born into the world as the literal Son of this Holy Being; he was born in the same personal, real, and literal sense that any mortal son is born to a mortal father. There is nothing figurative about his paternity; he was begotten, conceived and born in the normal and natural course of events . . . Christ is the Son of man, meaning that his Father (the eternal God) is a Holy man” (Mormon Doctrine , 742).
4) Okay, thanks for clearing that one up.
5) Okay, same thing again, it was the lost tribes of Israel like I said, just there were others there too. Thanks.
6) It was a prominent feature in the early church. They don’t practice it anymore (one thing that can be said about the LDS church is that they actually will change the doctrine when the public is united against them) since it was considered illegal by pretty much every government. The US Army even invaded Utah in 1857 because of it. It is official condemned now, but there are some Mormon fundamentalists who still practice it in western Canada and US. One of them was even featured in a relatively recent National Geographic. But I do grant that most Mormons don’t practice this.
7) Okay, I guess I took the no drinking coffee to mean no caffeine (a view which was reinforced by the fact that when I was a kid, my Mormon friend across the street couldn’t drink any pop that had caffeine in it. Thanks for the correction.
8) Okay, that same friend said he had to do his missionary work. I knew it was for at least a year, thanks for correcting me that it’s actually 2. And I didn’t know it started at 10, I was just making up a number for a wee joke. It is annoying to be disturbed on the weekend by someone pushing their religion, but it isn’t the worst thing in the world. (and maybe it was some Jehovah’s witnesses that were knocking at 8am)
9) “First, the garment provides the wearer with ‘a constant reminder’ of the covenants made in the temple. Second, the garment ‘provides protection against temptation and evil’.”
So basically, the covenant and temptation (to sin). Yes the bullets were a joke, and yes they can take them off in some circumstances, but they are encouraged to put them back on again as soon as possible when such activities are finished.
It is a nutty religion, they all are to a degree but the comments on a web comic (even a totally awesome one) is probably not the best place to have a religious discussion. If you want to continue I can give you my email and we can continue that way.
Genetics has thoroughly disproved the concept that Native Americans had *any* relationship with Jews. It has also been disproving many other theories, such as the Khazir theory stating they were a warrior tribe from Eastern Europe that converted. Conversely, genetics has demonstrated Jewish ancestry among many previously unsuspected people, including tribes in India, Afganistan and Ethiopia. But quite frankly Joseph Smith’s ‘revelation’ about the Natives was demonstratably wrong, and continuing to pretend it is true is the same as intentionally lying. It is up to the Mormons to decide how much that fact impacts thier faith, at the least it should call into question the divine nature of the message given to Smith given that parts of it are now unequivocally false.
Secondly, on a personal level, I find the faith detestable. Mostly because I worked with a Mormon guy who happened to have been born homosexual. His family rejected him. His temple rejected him. And finally he rejected himself by committing suicide due to the isolation from friends, family and faith. It was one of the saddest and most inhumane situations I have ever seen in my life, and all over something completely beyond his control.
I rank Mormonism barely above Scientology in terms of credibility and human rights abuses.
So definitely no to the bulletproof underwear… rats. I would really like to have a pair of those
A garment cannot prevent temptation and evil, for temptation and evil are born within the mind. You can wear all the magic undies you want and still have wicked thoughts.
This new character SUCKS.
I… see what you did there?
Bah! Vampires SUCK! Geist Sin-Eaters FTW! (Okay, a little White Wolf humour ~_^)
Anyway, wonder if this lady is wearing a colour-correcting contact in one eye (and which is her natural colour: brown or green?)
…is it just me or does the girl have two different colored eyes? Epic, if she does.
Don´t tell me she gonna be his *date of his own age*? O.O
Wicked. Cute pseudo-goth chick.
There are never enough of those in anything.
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