SPF 1000

Say what you will about Les, but the man comes prepared.

99 thoughts on “SPF 1000

  1. So Les is 19?

    Shit, why is he younger than me? I expected him to be older!

    1. He’d like you to believe he’s in his 700s.

      1. Youngsters. He ought to start himself off at a couple of centuries, then attribute a few more when he’s had time to wear them in. >:=)>

        Of course, if he’d really done his research, he could have adopted a character more in line with Bram Stoker’s original Dracula, able to walk about in daylight with only some discomfort to show for it. I imagine there would be a bad scene if one such character appeared and pointed this out:

        Alucard: Ah, youngkling, avraid to valk in the sun?

        L’estat: Perhaps you could turn into a bat and fly back to Middle Europe, O Lord of the Unfashionable? And take your vampires-are-the-enemy source material with you!

        Alucard: (dramatic laugh) You know Anne Rice was given a boy’s name by her parents?

        L’estat: That is it! You are going down! Hsssssss!

        Edmund “Twilight” Cullyn: Guys! You should calm down. We don’t want to scare the mundanes.

        L’estat: Stay out of this, noob!

        Alucard: Ja! Hyu sink you’re so cool? Vell, you’re not! So zere!

        1. awesome dialogue

          anyway, what I like about Les is that he seems to be smart and stupid at the same time.

        2. I’m pretty sure he’s just like me – he doesn’t want to get tanned.
          He’s pale, isn’t he? I’m sure he wants to stay that way.

    2. Les is a little bit less pathetic when you realize he’s just a dopey teenager.

    3. I just they just wanted him to be over 18?

  2. OMG

    1. (itchy return pinky…)

      OMG, I have shoes older than that guy

      1. To be fair, those are some pretty bad-ass shoes.

        1. I’m inclined to agree.

        2. that depends if they are still wearable or not…

  3. I’m older than Les?!

  4. In some cultures, 1992 was eons ago

    1. Namely, the Online culture (not to be confuse with yogurt which has more culture than those online…yuk, yuk, yuk!)

  5. Holy shit, I expected him to be like 30 or something. Mostly the beard though.

    1. I’m 19, and I’ve got the Grizzly Adams thing goin’ on already.

      1. A friend of mine had a full beard at 15. It was bizarre.

        1. Yeah, some kids at school needed to start shaving daily at 15. I still can get away with only every two or three days.

        2. I had a good goatee at 19, but couldn’t grow a decent moustache until 23. And then I found it wasn’t worth the wait. I had a real Eurotrash thing going, and not in a good way.

        3. I’m 19. I can grow a neck covering….hardly call it a beard, but more than stubble. I get a “dirty lip” where the hair grows about 1/2 inch, but is too few and far between. I would need to shave every 2 days to stay “clean”, otherwise i shave about bi-weekly or whenever I feel like it.

        4. A kid I knew in HS had a decent beard at 16.
          And male pattern baldness by 20, poor bastard.

        5. Come to think of it, I grew my beard at 19…

          There have been references to Les being just out of high school before now, haven’t there?

        6. Um, I’m… well… old. My Van Dyke is pure white. And I can skip a day without it showing at all. My usual routine is to shave with a razor on Monday, then use the electric (which really sucks at a good close shave) Tue-Fri.

  6. Such knowledge arrives to those who read a fricking book occasionally.

    1. Or pay attention in Social Studies!

      1. What? Social Studies was school-scheduled naptime!

  7. I loled at the last panel.

  8. I thought Les was in his early to mid twenties. Hmm.

    1. You weren’t too far off.

      1. No, I guess, I wasn’t. But since I’d pegged him anywhere between 21 and 27, knowing that he’s still technically a teenager is a bit of a surprise. It’s probably that white streak that ages him. And the goatee and little pencil ‘stache.

  9. …The Negro Guy says dork.

    1. Agreed. He is also the same age as me…

  10. Good fun you bring, Nick! Kudos to your story!

    Side note… a young, naive vampire is bound to make mistakes. I’ve counted several myself. But he’s a growing immortal…give the boy some credit.

  11. Vam-fail. The white robes would aid Sol’s harmful rays by reflecting them upwards underneath the protective barrier that is the Raiden Hat.

    1. except that the “Raiden Hat” would cast a shadow on the parts that would reflect upwards. so it works.

      1. Except it wouldn’t work. Any clothing that the prat would be able to see with light shining on it would be reflecting said sunlight. That’s not even getting into the light being reflected onto him by everything else around him, therefore rendering the hat pretty pointless with the acception of direct sun light.

        1. The hat only protects against direct rays from the sun; the beach, the robe, the water, etc. all reflect sunlight and as such, would be completely useless against those rays.

          If the hat worked as you describe, then his face would be completely blacked out. We can’t actually ‘see’ any object in existence, we can only see the light that is reflected off an object. If, as Les seems to think, the hat truly protected his face from the suns rays, then we would be unable to see his face at all. No reflected light = no vision. So the fact that we can see his face, and so can everyone else, means that the suns rays are still reaching his skin.

          So, like I misspelled before Vamp-fail.

          However, if you apply the Blade mythology of Vampires being harmed by the UV rays, then all Les needs to do to protect himself is have a bubble formed of glass. Glass naturally blocks all UV rays, so he would be protected from the Sun if he were surrounded by glass.

          On a side note, if sunglasses ever advertise that they ‘Offer 100% UV protection’ don’t buy them; they’re using the natural protective qualities of glass to mark up the price of the glasses.

        2. “So the fact that we can see his face, and so can everyone else, means that the suns rays are still reaching his skin.”

          Yes and no. With the hat, the direct rays of the sun are not reaching his face at all. The reason you can see his face is due to reflected/refracted light from the surroundings. This is indirect and is much less capable of tanning/burning you. But as anyone who has been sunburned while snow skiing, _enough_ reflected light and you still turn pink or red. Add the very dry air to the general abuse, and your skin is peeling off in no time. Luckily this is typically restricted to the nose, what with all the cold weather gear.

        3. Well, I assumed anyone reading my post would understand that I meant some form of the Sun’s rays are hitting his skin. Since a Vampires flesh is far more sensitive to the Sun than any human being in existence, even reflected light would hurt him. But as the saying goes, “When you assume, you make an ass of you and me”. I couldn’t say “You know how the saying goes..” because that would be assuming again.

        4. Except he would need ventilation, and since most human sized glass domes are one solid piece, he would probably die from the increased heat. Besides if your theory was correct, then every vampire that ever existed would be dead the instant they rose from the dead or left their coffins, night or day because there is always sunlight reflecting off of something. If it not objects on the ground, it would be the moon at night, because the moon provides enough reflected light to see. Besides, have you ever seen a movie where the Vampire die from anything less than direct sunlight?

          Also according to Blade mythology, the original vampires could walk around in broad daylight. However as time passed and they began to “evolve” they lost that ability for some reason. Which would be ridiculous.

        5. I believe Vampires don’t actually ‘need’ to breathe, so ventilation wouldn’t be a big problem.

          Depending on which mythos you believe, I don’t think the sunlight reflecting off the moon would be a very big problem. The UV rays reflected from the moon are mostly absorbed on the surface of the earth, then absorbed even more in the atmosphere, and then on the surface. Even direct ‘moon rays’ don’t have very many UV rays so I’m guessing they have enough tolerance that it doesn’t effect them. In the Blade mythos anyway.

          In regular, or normal vampire mythology, there is something about the Sun itself, and it’s ability to scatter the darkness, push it back into the hellish pits of whence it came, that is agony to the Vampires. I would imagine that sunlight reflected off the surface in the daytime is still powerful enough to hurt a Vampire (For proof, in most Vampire movies if someone even opens a door or window during the day, they hiss and cower in seeming pain or fear) but Sunlight reflected off the moon, and then to the Earth is not. Especially since the Moon is often a symbol of the coming Darkness, and of hope. For the Vampires, beings that are tormented with the absence of their souls, there is hope that their cursed existence upon this world can end.

        6. So then lets just agree that it would require a certain quantity of sunlight to kill a vampire, and that while they maybe exposed to some sun, it would still take a decent amount to get them to “burst into flames” so to speak. While I agree with you on the cowering in fear part, I feel that is generally younger vampires that just turned, or have only been around for a few decades. Most of the older/ wiser vampires I have seen are often smart enough to be back in their lair before dawn is even a thought, and only get defeated by day when they are distracted long enough by their opponents.

          Also, if they are so tormented by their lack of souls, then why not just end their own existence by walking outside during the day? Truly soulless beings have no fear, have no instincts, have no reason to hope for they have no dreams. They simply exist, and do what is willed for them to do. Vampires fear the sun and in doing so fear death and hope to continue their existence. Which of course means they have a soul, and therefore your argument is contradicting and invalid.

          However, who is to say either of us are correct? Who can tell us what a vampire is capable of other than vampires themselves? We talk as if these are truths, when they’re just perceptions of our own nightmares.

        7. Woooooah. This is some srs vampire bzns up in here.

          *Listens to Jonathan Coulton’s “Blue Sunny Day”*

    2. And bounce off what, the inside of the Raiden Hat?

      I don’t think it would be enough for him to have to worry about secondhand bursting into flames.

  12. Yes! Eastern Vampires are known as Kuei-jin. >D At least, according to the Vampire: The Masquerade RPG supplement Kindred of the East. >D

  13. knowing Les is 19 completely changes his character. I even hear his voice differently now. XD

  14. I figured Les was in his 20’s, but since he is 19, I wonder why he still thinks he is a vampire. I wonder if he will think he is a vampire even in his 20’s.

    Also, I think that is probably the first conversation between Les and the store director as well. But I wonder, was Les this way as a kid?

    1. Actually Les’s first conversation in-comic was with Bill.

      1. Looking back, I have to say, what happened with your style? It’s looks like it’s devolved. Not trying to be offensive but it’s cartoonier than in that comic.

        1. Cartoonier yes, however it also looks cleaner, and its probably easier to draw so he can stay on schedule.

        2. I did a bit of a redesign when I came back with #79 in February 2010 and initially was going for more realistic proportions. Eventually I realized I didn’t like that much, and settled in a more cartoony area by about #103. Since then I’ve worked to gradually make things more distinctively me. I think it’s a lot better, and honestly kind of shudder looking at that comic.

          My style back then was also radically inconsistent. Note how Nate and Jimi look very different from panel 1 to panel 2.

        3. That’s pretty marginal, I’d say.

        4. The difference between the panels or the difference between the old and new comics?

  15. Val Kilmer Batman

    Is it supposed to say Wampir?

  16. Wow, I honestly can’t believe we’re the same age. though, the style of his general goofbally-ness( non-vamp-goofbally-ness) reminds me of me and my friends. Good to see wacky Les, can I hope to see some shenanigans involving him and Miranda, and/or uncle cheuy? Plus shenanigans with Nate and Jimi?

  17. I was half expecting a sunscreen covered les like in blade or perhaps a giant pink umbrella. it would need to be pink since he would have borrowed it.

  18. I don’t know either to laugh at Les for looking like a gay Kung Lao or cry because I technically in the same age group as him and what that says about my generation

    1. Amendment: I glad no one has to see Les or Purvous in a banana hammock because there’s certain things man was not meant to know and that image is one of them

  19. Wow…. I’m 5 years older then Les…. did not see that coming.

  20. Incidentally regarding the title of the comic – I believe I read somewhere that if you wanna achieve sunprotection the equivalent of SPF 1000 a pair of a jeans takes care of that 🙂 as for your upper body well.. Jeansfabric-bodysuit? :p

    1. I thought about going with higher numbers, but when I graphed the humor potential I found it peaked at 1000.

      1. Actually, it would have been best to use 9001 because then you might have seen a bunch of trolls on here saying things “IT’S OVER 9000!!!”

        For a bit of research Google ‘It’s over 9000’ and click on the Encylopedia Dramatica entry.

        1. I seriously considered it. We’ve paid homage to that meme before with the That SciFi Guy review of The Core.

        2. Hmm, SPF 8999 also would have been Gold

  21. My nickname in high school was Grizz or Grizzly, and I went to a military school that made it necessary I shave multiple times a day. Having that much hair that young is actually a pain in the butt, and girls did not find it cool, so there was no evolutionary advantage I could see!

  22. The same year the Bram Stoker’s Dracula was released.


    1. I still can’t believe that back then I paid money to see that in the theatre, AND thought it was good. Of course, I can believe the dozens of times I’ve seen it since then, as it is fantastic camp.

  23. So, Les, what did vampires do before the invention of Wikipedia?

  24. 1992!? He’s 19!? I’m 19. 😮

    1. So, by the associative property of logic and mathematics (or is it gymnastics?), YOU ARE A VAMPIRE!

      1. I think you skipped a few steps….

  25. pretty sure you gotta be a legal adult to change your name, which les did. makes his current age a bit flaky. you just got lawyered.

    i was thinking he was much older too, woulda been way more awesome.

    1. In the United States you’re a legal adult at 18. Les is 19. You can even change your name at 16 with parental consent.

      If you’re a lawyer, you suck at it.

      1. but you cant legally drink till you are 21 😛
        Go canada and younger drinking ages! ;D

        1. yes, me and several hundred college students go almost every weekend. So thanks for being apart of American culture, its like you’re already a state! ;D

        2. Well, Alberta anyway…Manitoba is comunist (Stephen Colbert told me so), and Quebec is just boring and sepratist anyway…
          Go Alberta :D, clean air, low tax…and…well…I’m there 😀

        3. Coquitlam…. so much for clean air.

        4. Actually, ignore that, I was thinking Coquitlam was in Alberta instead of B.C. for some reason.


  26. Of course you mortals could never understand vampire math. 19 is about 852 in vampire years.

    1. Since we know that Les began his existence in the year 1992, his existence is 19 “mortal” years old. You are also suggesting that for every mortal year that passes Les ages roughly 44 years. According to my local vampire, the average vampire lives roughly 2000 “vampire years”. If what you say is correct (he never explained the ratio between vampire and mortal years) then the average vampire doesn’t last more than 44 mortal years. kinda dismal since the average life span of us “mortals” is twice that.

      1. Les doesn’t live as long as normal Vampires because he goes home, covers himself in blood, screams, “I AM REBORN,” and masturbates until he passes out.

        If I knew how to link stuff, I’d do it, but I’m just pasting it in here, hoping it will link: https://og.treadingground.com/?p=893

        1. If The Vampire Guy wanted to say Vampires live longer than human he would have said one mortal year is the equivalent of 1/44 of a vampire year, which would mean that if Les was 19 in Vampire years, he would be 852 in mortal years. However, since its clearly stated here:
          that he was born in 1992, information that would be confirmed by his birth certificate, social security number, and schooling all provided to Bill upon receiving the application, he would be 19 in mortal years, which means The Vampire Guy doesn’t know what he is talking about. I was just trying to be sarcastic.

        2. I love that these comment threads get so deep that people feel the need to link to the comic we’re commenting on.

        3. Possible new t-shirt

          Treading Ground
          It’s a Cult!

        4. An argument over the amount of actual time which has passed since 1992, depending on whether you are a vampire or not is “deep”?

          Well, for some value of, I suppose…

        5. “Deep” referred to the volume of the comments, not their content. As in “we’re 97 comments deep here.”

  27. damn, he’s my age. the hilarious thing is actualy know someone who is just like les-he’s got this whole vampire thing going on. Coincidence?

  28. wow….. Les is a year younger than me…….. wow……..

  29. So what does everyone think Les is actually going to die from? I’m putting money on GonaherpesyphlAIDS. I figure he’s going to hit up meth heads for blood and end up catching every STD there is. He’ll be one very unhappy ‘wampire’.

    1. My bet is he’ll be out one night in his “bat form” (bat costume) and get run over by a truck.

    2. Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease. It’s the human equivalent of Mad Cow disease.

  30. Funny enough the title “SPF 1000” is a band name, check them out. They’re a pretty decent band

  31. Les will not tan. And you can’t make him.

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